APOLOGY FOR HUSBANDS

Phyllis McGinley

 

Solo 1:       Although your major premise, dear,

                   Is rather sharp than subtle,

                   My honest argument, I fear

                             Can offer scant rebuttal.

 

                   I grant the Husband in the Home

                             Disrupts its neat machinery.

All:             His shaving brush, his sorry comb,

                             Mar tidy bathroom scenery.

Solo 2:       When dinner’s prompt upon the plate,

                             He labors at the office late;

Solo 3:       Yet stay him while the stew is peppered.

                             He rages like a famished leopard.

Solo 4:       He rages like an angry lion

                             When urged to put a formal tie on,

                   But should festivities grow hearty,

                             He is the last to leave the party.

All:             He lauds your neighbor’s giddy bonnet

                             But laughs, immoderate, if you don it,

                   And loathes your childhood friend, and always

                             Bestrews his garments through the hallways.

Solo 1:       But e’er you shun the wedded male,

                             Recall his special talents

                   For driving firm the picture nail

                             And coaxing books to balance.

All:             Regard with unalloyed delight

                   That skill, which you were scorning,

                   For opening windows up at night

                             And closing them at morning.

Solo 5:       Though under protest, to be sure,

                             He weekly moves the furniture.

Solo 6:       He layeth rugs, he fixeth sockets,

                             He payeth bills from both his pockets.

Solo 7:       For invitations you decry

                             He furnisheth an alibi

Solo 8:       He jousts with taxi-men in tourney.

                             He guards your luggage when you journey,

                             And brings you news and quotes you facts

                             And figures out the income tax

Solo 9:       And slaughters spiders when you daren’t

                             And makes a very handy parent.

Solo 10:     What gadget’s useful as a spouse?

                             Considering that a minute

                             Confess that every house

                             Should have a husband in it.