APOLOGY FOR HUSBANDS
Solo 1: Although your major premise, dear,
Is rather sharp than subtle,
My honest argument, I fear
Can offer scant
rebuttal.
I grant the Husband in the Home
Disrupts its neat
machinery.
All: His shaving brush, his sorry comb,
Mar tidy bathroom scenery.
Solo 2: When dinner’s prompt upon the plate,
He labors at the office late;
Solo 3: Yet stay him while the stew is peppered.
He rages like a famished leopard.
Solo 4: He rages like an angry lion
When urged to put a formal tie on,
But should festivities grow hearty,
He is the last to leave the party.
All: He lauds your neighbor’s giddy bonnet
But laughs, immoderate, if you don it,
And loathes your childhood friend, and always
Bestrews his garments
through the hallways.
Solo 1: But e’er you
shun the wedded male,
Recall his special talents
For driving firm the picture nail
And coaxing books to
balance.
All: Regard with unalloyed delight
That skill, which you were scorning,
For opening windows up at night
And closing them at
morning.
Solo 5: Though under protest, to be sure,
He weekly moves the furniture.
Solo 6: He layeth rugs,
he fixeth sockets,
He payeth
bills from both his pockets.
Solo 7: For invitations you decry
He furnisheth
an alibi
Solo 8: He jousts with taxi-men in tourney.
He guards your luggage when you journey,
And brings you news and quotes you facts
And figures out the income tax
Solo 9: And slaughters spiders when you daren’t
And makes a very handy
parent.
Solo 10: What gadget’s useful as a spouse?
Considering that a minute
Confess that every house
Should have a husband
in it.