THE BOY WHO LAUGHED AT SANTA CLAUS

Ogden Nash

All: In Baltimore there lived a boy.

He wasn’t anybody’s joy.

Although his name was Jabez Dawes,

His character was full of flaws.

Solo 1: In school he never led his classes,

He hid old ladies’ reading glasses,

His mouth was open when he chewed,

And elbows to the table glued.

All: He stole the milk of hungry kittens.

And walked through doors marked No Admittance.

He said he acted thus because

There wasn’t any Santa Claus.

Solo 2: Another trick that tickled Jabez

Was crying “Boo!” at little babies.

He brushed his teeth, they said in town,

Sideways instead of up and down.

All: Yet people pardoned every sin,

And viewed his antics with a grin,

Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,

“There isn’t any Santa Claus!”

Solo 3: Deploring how he did behave,

His parents swiftly sought their grave.

They hurried through the portals pearly,

And Jabez left the funeral early.

All: Like whooping cough from child to child,

He sped to spread the rumor wild:

Solo 4: “Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes

There isn’t any Santa Claus!”

All: Slunk like a weasel or a marten

Through nursery and kindergarten,

Whispering low to every tot,

Solo 4: “There isn’t any, no there’s not!”

Solo 5: The children wept all Christmas Eve

And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.

No infant dared hang up his stocking

For fear of Jabez’ ribald mocking.

All: He sprawled on his untidy bed,

Fresh malice dancing in his head,

When presently with scalp a-tingling,

Jabez heard a distant jingling;

He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof

Crisply alighting on the roof.

Solo 6: What good to rise and bar the door?

A shower of soot was on the floor.

What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?

The fireplace full of Santa Claus!

All: Then Jabez fell upon his knees

With cries of

Solo 4: “Don’t (All) and (Solo 4) “Pretty Please.”

He howled,

Solo 4: I don’t know where you read it,

But anyhow, I never said it!”

Solo 6: “Jabez,” (All) replied the angry saint,

Solo 6: “It isn’t I, it’s you that ain’t,

Although there is a Santa Claus,

There isn’t any Jabez Dawes!”

All: Said Jabez with impudent vim,

Solo 4: “Oh, yes there is; and I am him!

Your magic don’t scare me, it doesn’t”—

All: And suppenly he found he wasn’t!

Solo 5: From grimy feet to grimy locks,

Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,

An ugly toy with springs unsprung,

Forever sticking out his tongue.

All: The neighbors heard his mournful speal;

They searched for him, but not with zeal.

No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,

Which led to thunderous applause,

And people drank a loving cup

And went and hung their stockings up.

Solo 6: All you who sneer at Santa Claus,

Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,

The saucy boy who mocked the saint.

Donder and Blitzen licked off his paint!